A love letter for those seeking marriage advice
Marriage will not be what you imagined it would be, but it can be better than you ever hoped it could be. This is my love letter to all those waiting for marriage, hoping for marriage, engaged to be married, already married, or thinking about ending your marriage.
To the little girl who collected dolls, playing make-believe that she was a mommy and loved to dress up. She grew up idolizing the women she would see pushing strollers, sipping their coffee and looking so happy. She thought she would be happy too if only she had a baby carriage to push and a coffee in hand.
To the little boy who jumped over rails with his skateboard or rode his bike through the forest, hoping for adventure and wishing he could be a grown-up and do big-boy grown-up things. He thought he would be happy if only he had a car like daddy and had a mommy at home to take care of all the “mommy” things.
The little kid’s dreams like these are filled with the sweet understanding and innocence of a child. Everything looks simplistic through the eyes of a child, and then life can be hard when adulthood comes and the vision of perfection starts to dwindle.
The same girl sees her mom carry the mental load of the house and feels underappreciated for choosing to stay home with the kids, meanwhile putting her other dreams on hold, wondering if she even has a purpose anymore.
The same boy sees his dad being crushed under the weight of caring for all the family’s financial needs and is trying to remain strong while stress wreaks havoc on his body. He doesn’t know how to stop and is afraid that if he does, he will break into pieces.
These can be the harsh realities we are faced with when we get married and choose to have a family. Or maybe you think this doesn’t apply to a couple who don’t want to have kids. Not realizing that children or not, there will be two lives, with two separate needs, desires and dreams that are coming together to form a cohesive unit. The two become one flesh.
Marriage is the ultimate test of your ability to esteem another person highly, value them, put their needs before your own and cheer them on in all phases of life. The good, the bad and the ugly. It’s believed that what the little child dreams of, despite having an incomplete picture of the reality of marriage, will fight for the adult who can enjoy the beautiful, amazing thing it truly can be.
I don’t know if you’re reading this today, and I don’t know if you want to fight for your marriage anymore, or if you just walked through a hard season, or if you are living in a state of bliss with your partner. You can experience the joy of lifting each other, having a team player who wants the best for you, wants to see you grow and wants to see you living your best life. They want you to feel whole in who you are and who you are in Christ. Marriage can be better than you hoped for and doesn’t have to remain something you’ve grown to despise.
Because this needs to be said, this does not apply to any relationship where abuse is present. If you know or suspect this may be happening in your relationship, please seek out help. Abuse is never okay, and that is an instance where it won’t get better.
